I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
