I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
