A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
