flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
