I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
