Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
How naked do you want me to be?
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