i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
