Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
