I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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