Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
