I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
