You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
