so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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