She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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