I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
