i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
