make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
