Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
