He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
