The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
