I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
