Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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