Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
