just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
