hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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