im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
