hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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