It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
