Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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