Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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