NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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