Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
