If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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