I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
