My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
