I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
