Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
