he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize