he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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