Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
