Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We are two peas in an std pod
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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