i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
