true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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