I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
