I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize