People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
