I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
