Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
