Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
