glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
