Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
