Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize