I need help removing her.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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