He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
