from now on my penis is your penis
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
