Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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