It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
