The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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