i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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