Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
