I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
