I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
