I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
