1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
