Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
