Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
