I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
