wanna go halves on a baby?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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