I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
