He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
