The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
