So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
