my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
