Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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