doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Randomize
