he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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