I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
