apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
