just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
