Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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