So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
