Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
