i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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