This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
