I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize