Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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