i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
