Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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