I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
