You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
