the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
