I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
