Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
