Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize