My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
