I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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