Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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