We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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