you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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