Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
