I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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