My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just invented taco cereal.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize