what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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