No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
