we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
