well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
