its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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