my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hippo gnu deer
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
