I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
