he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
